Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

all in all it was a good orgy

Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

Yo imma let you finish yourself off

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

imgonna r@pe you

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!