- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

Are you from Tennessee? Because we are both in Tennessee and I thought asking where you grew up would be a good way to get to know you better.

Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

Jdkfk

M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" crying "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book