-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Lol man, you know this man would never sue your ass, but... Man it takes a message here to see that you are like a super whigger. Anyway DAD! Thanks for the kind words, and seriously, you dont kiss ass on regular basis just one thing, you can reply wherever, text is cool You got the hots for your sister dude? I mean the deal was 50 uh words? Letters? Anyway its good, but DAD!... You know I never asked you to write anything about your sisters ass, its kinda weird DAD! Anyway, what do I judge, I banged my 7 years old sister back at the days where I still called her mom... Well she trained me, then I returned with the force, and now her husband kinda knows my deal and... I STILL BANG HER! <<<<< Anyway, man, keep the cash, I just wanted to show the world... Moral: Ladies and gentlemen, and this is how you make someone and anyone your bitch! Nothing personal DAD! You know that as far as I care, all my friends kneel before while my enemies are crushed under my mighty heel. Charisma... Kiddo, I know you are struggling with cash and stuff, but seriously, just for that one online, (your sisters story which id never ask you to go for helps) BUT If you have read this far (BECAUSE THE WORDS OF YOUR DARK OVERLORD ARE LAW) Then just send me a reply saying 666 and I will pay to fix whatever the hell is wrong with your car man, I cant stand the sound, and I know you can pay up, its just that times are down... ...For you. Actual code 999 (not satanist here, I hate all religion) post 666 and ill get someone to slice your tires instead.

thumb_up thumb_down -105

Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

thumb_up thumb_down -133

Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

thumb_up thumb_down -144

Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

thumb_up thumb_down +67

Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

thumb_up thumb_down -169

"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

thumb_up thumb_down +162

Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

thumb_up thumb_down +140

Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Five dollar women... WOO!

thumb_up thumb_down -106

You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

thumb_up thumb_down +185

Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

thumb_up thumb_down +125

WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

thumb_up thumb_down +113

I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

thumb_up thumb_down -177

Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

thumb_up thumb_down -199

Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

thumb_up thumb_down +66

Do you live around here often?

thumb_up thumb_down +159

Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +86

-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

thumb_up thumb_down +165

Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!