"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

thumb_up thumb_down -81

male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

thumb_up thumb_down -83

I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

thumb_up thumb_down -133

- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

thumb_up thumb_down +133

"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

thumb_up thumb_down +99

That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

thumb_up thumb_down -121

Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

thumb_up thumb_down -88

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +183

Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

thumb_up thumb_down +111

You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

thumb_up thumb_down +109

Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

thumb_up thumb_down -47

I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

thumb_up thumb_down -68

You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

thumb_up thumb_down +89

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!