Man... MAN! Sorry if I just skimmed that last message dude, but if you getting me that shit, you are my fucking God, you got a new custom engine or something? Whatever man, im getting over there right now, Son, I might actually try the towing trick, because that might make me arrive at your place (no worries wont tell anyone where your playboy mansion is at) but you still got it there right? MORAL MORAL MORAL MORAL... Oh and no, id never ever use that piece of shit I used to call a car in the forest, if you are serious man, ill take the damn cab! I mean man, I just cant wait to tell the beardy little faggot at the carshop to stick that yeah "car" up his gay ass! Seriously dude, my phone aint working but that can wait, you really mean I can have the car? Seriously, how much? I got some money.

-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

-wow I could just drown in the ocean of your eyes -well why don't you -well I'll steal your sisters number, get lost at sea, and shipreck in her bed Then you can come and save us when she is shouting S.O.S out of the other room

Nice legs what time do they open

Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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