WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

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Nice legs what time do they open

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Man: Hey lady, wanna come home with me? Woman: A man like you :D would ask a woman like me? I... I cannot believe it... sniff... excuse me this is so beautiful... ;D I want to of course of course I want to... Man: Want to? Woman: Tell you to go screw yourself moron! Man: But you said beautiful as you looked into my eyes and seemed so happy... Woman: Yes I was looking at my reflection in your eyes to avoid having to look at your disgustingly ugly face! REJECTED like a SONIC BOOM! (now that one was for the non lesb... I mean non drunk women, see? I am quite equal, even to the weaker, yet hot gender)

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Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!