- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book