I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

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adam burdass

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Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

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-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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You allergic to semen?

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!