Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

guy: can i rape you? girl: No Guy: great that means any sex we have from now on is consensual, thanks

And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

Jdkfk

Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

He: did it hurt? She: when i fell from heaven? He: no. when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. go put some clothes on.

Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

Man: HEY BITCH! LETS HAVE SEX! Damn ugly woman: OKAY! Next day... Man: Damn that was some nice sex, too bad the bitch was damn ugly though, even trough the beer googles... I wonder where she is... "damn ugly woman": woof woof! Bark bark! Moral: Do you see any moral in this immoral piece of shit? (Ps if you are stupid, the bitch was actually a dog... get it?)

You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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