Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

thumb_up thumb_down +32

-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

thumb_up thumb_down -120

Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

thumb_up thumb_down +137

Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

thumb_up thumb_down +113

I hate you already.

thumb_up thumb_down +65

BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

thumb_up thumb_down -77

-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

thumb_up thumb_down +106

Hey, you want a ride?

thumb_up thumb_down +80

Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

thumb_up thumb_down +78

Pick up lines from the stone age: Fail. Man: Hello, you look beautiful, I speak very well, and if you allow me to make love with you, I promise I will protect you and raise the child with you :)! Woman: WHAT? A guy without wild chesthair that speaks instead of grunting and yelling? You to sex me and you do not even got a club? I am SOOO gonna go to Grogg instead! He has like the biggest club and knows how to really HIT a woman! Moral: I would say somethings do change, but Id rather be Grogg than the loser above, of course I prefer hitting ON women first, if that does not work I... Oh right, I am married :P

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

thumb_up thumb_down +38

my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

thumb_up thumb_down -48

I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

thumb_up thumb_down +147

Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

thumb_up thumb_down +115

Man: DAMN BABE YOUR SO DAMN HOT I... Woman: You know what? Im so sick of you guys hitt... Man: OOOOOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YEEEEEEEEEES THIS IS DELISHUSH! Woman: WHAT HAPPENED? :O Man: Huh? Never mind, ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

thumb_up thumb_down +111

If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

thumb_up thumb_down +43

This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +23

-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!