And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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Hey, you want a ride?

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-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

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You allergic to semen?

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Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!