- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Man: Lets have some fun ;) Woman: Sure! Man: Starts telling jokes. Woman: Funny but I thought... Man: What? Woman: Well its a bit uh... silly of me but I thought that we where getting at your place, having a drink and... Man: What? I said fun, not date rape! Woman: Wow... this is really getting nowhere is it? Author: Hell no! Moral: This "anti-pickup" was not even finished and you want a moral too? Pssssssssssssssssshhhhh....

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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Jdkfk

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Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

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Hey, you want a ride?

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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Man: So you will come home with me later? Girl: Sure! Man: Great then ill just go find more women I can bang later in the meantime... Moral: Depending of the kind of woman, this is of no consequence...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!