Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

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I hate you already.

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Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

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-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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adam burdass

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!