Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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Jdkfk

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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At a drinking place :P: Man: You dare mock the great Sh... Woman: I am sorry I did not mean to humiliate that much... ehehehehe you are just a stupid jlttle nerd and all... :) Man: You will die moral... Woman: What?! Uh... did I mention how awesome you are? What was your name again? Man: You weak pathetic fool! 8 hours later: Woman: Please! Let me stay! Just for a little longer! Barman: Sigh... fine have a drink on the house. Woman: *sips drink and dies* Barman: Mission complete sir, she died instantly! Man: Instantly without pain? THAT WAS PATHETIC! Now... SUICIDE! Barman: No I refuse! Man: Drink it... or face the true WRATH OF SHAO KAHN! Barman: The true wrath? ANYTHING BUT THAT!*Punches himself in the balls hoping he dies from the pain, passes out and tries again* Man Is That your best? That was pathetic! Its official, you suck! Bhahahahahahaha! Moral: Fear the Wrath of Shao Kahn!

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Man: Lets have some fun ;) Woman: Sure! Man: Starts telling jokes. Woman: Funny but I thought... Man: What? Woman: Well its a bit uh... silly of me but I thought that we where getting at your place, having a drink and... Man: What? I said fun, not date rape! Woman: Wow... this is really getting nowhere is it? Author: Hell no! Moral: This "anti-pickup" was not even finished and you want a moral too? Pssssssssssssssssshhhhh....

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- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

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NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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Man: So you will come home with me later? Girl: Sure! Man: Great then ill just go find more women I can bang later in the meantime... Moral: Depending of the kind of woman, this is of no consequence...

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!