"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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I hate you already.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!