Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

adam burdass

The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

I hate you already.

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!