- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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Man: Lets have some fun ;) Woman: Sure! Man: Starts telling jokes. Woman: Funny but I thought... Man: What? Woman: Well its a bit uh... silly of me but I thought that we where getting at your place, having a drink and... Man: What? I said fun, not date rape! Woman: Wow... this is really getting nowhere is it? Author: Hell no! Moral: This "anti-pickup" was not even finished and you want a moral too? Pssssssssssssssssshhhhh....

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She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!