If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

thumb_up thumb_down +152

A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

thumb_up thumb_down +112

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

thumb_up thumb_down -67

"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

thumb_up thumb_down -71

"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

thumb_up thumb_down +24

-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Man: So you will come home with me later? Girl: Sure! Man: Great then ill just go find more women I can bang later in the meantime... Moral: Depending of the kind of woman, this is of no consequence...

thumb_up thumb_down -90

man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

thumb_up thumb_down +161

Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

thumb_up thumb_down -35

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down -103

Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

thumb_up thumb_down +127

Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

thumb_up thumb_down +93

man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

thumb_up thumb_down -129

—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

thumb_up thumb_down -133

If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

thumb_up thumb_down +72

-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!