-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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Man at bar: Hey girls... want my banana in your pajamas? ;) ;) ;) Girls: YEAH! Man: "thinks for himself..."... man I never get this reaction from girls.. you are a bunch of skanks and sluts... (leaves the bar) In the end, we are never happy with what we get are we? yeah... this is kinda the moral of this story... (Ps: My banana in your pajamas... I got a girlfriend, but someday Im gonna try that pick up line... hahahaha

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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hey, your cute. hey, your not.

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!