If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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Man: DAMN BABE YOUR SO DAMN HOT I... Woman: You know what? Im so sick of you guys hitt... Man: OOOOOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YEEEEEEEEEES THIS IS DELISHUSH! Woman: WHAT HAPPENED? :O Man: Huh? Never mind, ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

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Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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jack sanders

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!