-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

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Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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You smell just like my mom...

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If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd probably leave it as is, seems to be working OK just fine without my internvention. And imagine the work it'd create in terms of all the re-filing alone. Librarians would have apoplexy, and if I came out I was responsible..well, there'd be hell to pay. No, thank you, but no thank you, the alphabet can stay as it is, no matter how hot your body.

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He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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