If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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You smell just like my mom...

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!