Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!