girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

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Man: Yeah I have done it with thousands of women all around the world... THOUSANDS! Woman: Okay... then ill come home with you, I want an experienced man to be my first... At his house: Woman: I AM SCARED! Will it hurt? Its my first time and... Man: I dunno! I am scared as Its my first time too! :( Moral: A man whose is scared of sex... pfffffff!

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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Now this one is for the ladies: Girl: Hey there Alexa! Long time no see! Woman: Indeed dear, so... do you still do YOGA!? Girl: Nah I stopped after the YOGA FIRE! lessons and the YOGA TELEPORT! Lessons where too expensive... Woman: too bad! Can you still bend your legs behind your back though? ;) It looked so sexy... Girl: Oh well, as long as you can still do you YOGA STRETCH tongue you can come home with me and teach me a thing or two since I am just 19 and you are a 35 year old couger... if you know what I mean ;) Woman: Sure! I can teach you a lot of lusty immoral things ;). Conclusion: Girl: Not there... its hurts. Woman: Just relax girl, and it will work... Girl: YES OH YES!!! Moral: To show that my stories also support the ladies ;) Hey... its called the ANTIPICKUPLINE after all right?

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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It rubs the lotion onto it's skin

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if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

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-hey, come here a minute.

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!