- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd probably leave it as is, seems to be working OK just fine without my internvention. And imagine the work it'd create in terms of all the re-filing alone. Librarians would have apoplexy, and if I came out I was responsible..well, there'd be hell to pay. No, thank you, but no thank you, the alphabet can stay as it is, no matter how hot your body.

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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Moral man enters a bar and spots a sad girl. MMan: Why so sad? Lady: My father died... MMan: And you want him to see you sad, from wherever he may be? Lady: No but how am I supposed to be happy about it? MMan: Remember the happy days you spent, because they are many more than the days you will see his gravestone, and if nothing else, we can always keep those alive within our heart happily, as long as we are happy in OUR heart... Moral: I would have called this meaningless bull before, but this is a true story, and those words are the reason I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend, the most amazing girl ever... which just sang out of joy btw... I may be different... but if a man can keep those he loves happy, he is indeed a true man... Ok now she wants to know what I am typing, so I say nothing and put this self brag away, because I share with you, but heck, what am I? Somekind of romantic? Answer: Meh, I am the ever lovable jerk you may not like, but cant stop loving once you know me either... The anti-part? Dunno, dont care :D

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

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Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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