Stable relationships are for horses.

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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This is what Nero calls for his "destroyer" not sure if I should consider that flattering, he thinks so anyways, he just wants to say, that why the fuck are people suddenly scared of looooooooooooooooooooooong messages on the interbewbs. "No leave it be, interbewsbs sounds prefect" Nero The Hero "FINAL FRESH" What Nero And Vagina shouts? :)) Something is off here but he has passed out again :)) "God woman, you suck at pop cultural quotes" Nero, the fucklord (omg, he is crazy, gotta love this guy) "thanks" Nero the grateful. "I Ask you if you know who I am by saying "ITS ME MARIO and you still do not know what name is? THe red plumber Nintendo HIS NAME IS MARIO!?" Nero The (fucking annoyed at me) :)) Sorry guys just having fun. "THOU SHALL NEVER APOLOGIzE FOR THE WORD OF NERO" -Nero insists, I mean the LORD OF DARKNESS INSISTS "Can we fucking stop making quotes of me now? All the girls are laughing at me, WHY AM I SO DEFEATED!" Last quote added without his consent

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Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!