Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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Sigh, reminds me I am banging a girl named Tina, and one named Line right? Plus my wife whose name I wont reveal because she matters (Line, Tina, you do not!) Anyway, when people ask me "what the hell was that noise Nero (No idea what Neronism is, fuck him for stealing my name) I tell them "meh I was just screwing Line and Tina" People always go like... Man... YOU DONT HAVE TO LIE TO ME SON! YOU GOT STREET CRED HERE MODAFOCA! Tina and Line? You cant come up with better names SON? EH? If you wanna lie to me again SON, Then you get some original names SON! And I go like... So, can your sister sit down now? And he goes all like SHEET, was that you? Nice score man! And then I went "thats your sister you know that right?" Anyway, you want me now? INSTA ANTI PICKUPLINE... BECAUSE WHO NEEDS PICKUPLINES AT ALL! I AM JUST BEING MEEEEEEEEEEE! AND YOU MIGHT HATE ME!!!!!!! BUT YOU WOMEN STILL END UP TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU HATE THAT GUY YOU FUCKED LAST NIGHT! AND YOUR GIRLFRIENDS! Man... I need another Smoke... SMOKE WINS FAILTALITY. Ps: Yo Harris, stop congratzing me for banging your sister, she is not a nice catch for youz! She is your sistah DUDE! STOP GIVING ME THE THUMBS UPS EVERYTIME SHE COMPLAINS HER ASS IS STILL SORE... I mean does he get it? Or does youz congrats me because you dont understand that Rebecca your "innocent" sister is really into anal something I usually just reserve for the... actually good girls...

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Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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