M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!