Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!