M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

For you thinking what is that shit below this comment? Go fuck yourself, for those that wonder why I typed that excellence, well read whatever... So why am I here once a year and type a lot of insanity here? Because I am quitting smoking... AGAIN. So after banging two chicks (one my wife STEAKSAUCE!) I just want a smoke right? RIGHT? To chill the adrenaline... My wife does not smoke (well if you can smoke cock then she is still the best smoker in town) Seriously, Tina has Prince... That explains her breath ugh... I am gonna get one anyways for great justice.

Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

You allergic to semen?

Put the lotion on the skin!

Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

Superman: I bet I can bang you faster than the speed of light! Woman: OOOOH! OK DO IT! Superman... uh... I already did it 30 times already... "pant" "pant" Woman: uh... really? Uh... was I suppose to feel anythi... Moral: Since when has fast sex been good sex?

i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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