Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

Boy: You know, just because one is beautiful does not mean that she is intelligent. Girl: Really? Boy: Yeah. But I'd like to tell you that you're a very good exception. Girl: Do you really think so? Boy: Of course! You're already ugly, yet you're so incredibly stupid!

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

You allergic to semen?

- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

Put the lotion on the skin!

- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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