Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Man at a restaurant (that is out of everything but bar stools and alcoholic drinks): Man: Die monster! You don't belong in this world! Woman: Uh? Oh! Nice tribute to the cheesy Castlevania lines! Man:Tribute!?! You steal men's souls and make them your slaves! Woman: Uh... well with most of you men lacking a spine nowadays... I cant truly disagree with you... Man: Your words are as empty as your soul! Mankind ill needs a savior such as you! Woman: Savior? Who do you think I am? But now I am annoyed *throws glass that breaks* have at you! *slaps man* Man: HYDRO STORM! Throws a flask of water upwards as it breaks on the floor splashing the woman... Woman: NOW I AM ALL WET! YOU MORON! Dont you know me? Man: Man: M-Maria? Uh... What happened? Shaft: Damn you broke free from your spell! But it is too late! Muahahaha! Castlevania has already become a bar! Richter: Well... that's fine to me, as long as Dracula does not STEAL MEN`S SOULS! Shaft: Relax, he is into business now... Richter: Your words are as empty as your soul! Mankind ill needs a businessman such as him! Shaft: Seriously! I invite you both at its VIP lounge and free beer to make up for the past mistakes... Richter: Excellent! But now feel my unbridled wrath!!!!! *punches Shaft* Shaft: Ouch! So... are we even now? Richter: Considering the free beer... okay... As they arrived Castle Barlevania they both got drunk and played "vampire killer" at the stage all night... Moral: Not much a Anti-Pick up line you say? Not only did Richter make a fool out of himself, but he also got her wet ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

thumb_up thumb_down -100

Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

thumb_up thumb_down +113

Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

thumb_up thumb_down -53

"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

thumb_up thumb_down -97

Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

thumb_up thumb_down -129

Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

thumb_up thumb_down -151

Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

thumb_up thumb_down +108

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

thumb_up thumb_down +4

men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

thumb_up thumb_down -88

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!