"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

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Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

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Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

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-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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