Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

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So, you're a girl, huh?

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

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How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

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Man: I will make the rape on you now woman! Woman: Wow great Borat imitation bravo! Man: Borat who? *draws gun* Moral: Pretty immoral

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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I hate you already.

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Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

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You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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you look like my mother

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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Man: I bet you havent seen a really big dick before ;) ;) Woman: No... but I have seen yours... The man proceeds to stare at the floor and leaves in shame...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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