Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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Guy: You look like a suitable mate and I'd thoroughly enjoy engaging in rough, sweaty sex with you and your lady parts.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

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In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

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-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

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you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!