Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

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You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

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If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

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Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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You're so hot I'd do you sober.

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

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Glass Basketball

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!