He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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A man is pulled over by a police officer and a conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Steven. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Steven, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh Steven, you never wear your seat belt. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

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Waiter- For you, sir? Male: I'll have a Strawberry Daquiri, non-alcoholic, please. Waiter- And, for your company? Male: For her, a long-island-iced-tea, with a twist of Rohypnol.

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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M: Woah I am drunk baby... But I gotta say... you`re the hottest bitch in town! B: Bark bark!

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will you marry me

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-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

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Your face is like mace, every time i see if i get blinded

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

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Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

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- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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Actor walks in street... Woman: HEY ITS YOU! THE GUY THAT PLAYED GANDALF THE GAY!... Uh I mean Gandalf the GRAY! Actor: WRONG WOMAN! I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNETISM! Moral: Please take no insult Esteemed Mr.Ian McKellen you are a fantastic actor... as for the rest of you, feel free to feel as insulted as you want... I mean its your own trucking choice :P.

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!