Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

thumb_up thumb_down -146

A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

thumb_up thumb_down +73

Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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Man and woman in bed: Man: You know I am somewhat a deviant right? Woman: Sure but I am drunk so lets just do it.. Man: I AM SO GONNA BANG YOU! (Man throws dynamite at woman) Woman: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU Moral: BANG INDEED... case closed.

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

thumb_up thumb_down -24

I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

thumb_up thumb_down +89

are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!