Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

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-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

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Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

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Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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guy: hey baby come join the PEN15 club with mee ;) girl: whats that?? guy: come and i will show you...*goes into the guys restroom with her*....lets go to the restroom and never rest...except you can rest on my PEN15

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!