Man: Yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Mirror: yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Man: SHIET!!! This never works! Moral: Take a look at yourself before you break yourself! By the time you start looking, sounding, feeling and even smelling awesome in the mirror, then the girls will feel the same way about you, no kidding.

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

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Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

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Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

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girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

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GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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A man is pulled over by a police officer and a conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Steven. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Steven, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh Steven, you never wear your seat belt. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!