Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

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I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

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-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

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Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

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Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

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I think I shit myself

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

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Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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Guy:I got stds! Wanna do it? Girl:what the f*** did u just say?guy:oh std ummmm save the dogs?uh ya that save the dogs I own a animal shelter! Girl:I'm not stupid guy: u sure? (Slap)

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Man seriously? Free Samsung? And that Fiat, I been wondering how much you want for it, not that i got it but I was considering buying it sometime. Son, I got no idea what brand this piece of shit car is, but the wheels are cool. No really, if you mean it, ill take that Fiat man, man, ill kiss your feet, ill do it, no really I mean Really? I mean really really? Man If you mean it, ill get over there right away, and man, you can have dunno, bad times, hell ANYTHING Okay? But if you are just messing with me, you can go fuck yourself and your phone man!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!