- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

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You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

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As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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Young man: Hey I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so I wondered if you wanna come home and have hardcore sex and... Mature woman: HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING! IM YOUR MOTHER! Young man: As I said mom... I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so... Moral: Hentai keeping families together since forever...

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

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Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

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Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

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In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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Man: Wow you are my cousin? Damn girl you are hot! I mean nothing wrong you know, I was just wondering if you wanna get a innocent cup of coffee Woman: Uh, thanks, but I have never met you... Man: Not my cousin? Bah, what a turnoff im outta here... Moral: Yeah moral... Pffft! You will have an easier time finding Waldo here.

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!