Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

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WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

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(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

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Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

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Man: hey... you seem pretty paralytic and unable to move in that wheelchair ;) Woman: uh oh...well actually I can move a bit... Man: Good because I do not wanna do ALL the thrusting back and forth... Woman: Bu.. but... I... I do not want to... Man: Well if you do not want sex, then just run away... ;) FATALITY... FLAWLESS VICTORY... RAPEALITY!

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

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Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

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Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

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-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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Anti-Pickup Line

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