Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

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girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

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At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

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Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

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jack sanders

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

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Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!