i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

thumb_up thumb_down +11

- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

thumb_up thumb_down -43

I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

thumb_up thumb_down +2

I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

thumb_up thumb_down +59

You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

thumb_up thumb_down -9

At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

jack sanders

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

thumb_up thumb_down -30

A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!