Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

thumb_up thumb_down +34

-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

thumb_up thumb_down -92

GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

thumb_up thumb_down +61

Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

thumb_up thumb_down +51

What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

thumb_up thumb_down -20

- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

thumb_up thumb_down +65

hey bitch

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +57

When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

thumb_up thumb_down +36

hey you look like a good practice girl.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

thumb_up thumb_down -205

Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

thumb_up thumb_down -188

You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

thumb_up thumb_down +35

How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

thumb_up thumb_down +30

whats up ho

thumb_up thumb_down +19

McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

thumb_up thumb_down +146

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!