Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

thumb_up thumb_down +77

You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

thumb_up thumb_down -101

It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down -76

male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

thumb_up thumb_down -110

—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

thumb_up thumb_down -122

Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

thumb_up thumb_down +111

Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

thumb_up thumb_down +65

If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

thumb_up thumb_down +41

You smell just like my mom...

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

thumb_up thumb_down +11

She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

thumb_up thumb_down -119

Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +36

- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

thumb_up thumb_down +2

If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd probably leave it as is, seems to be working OK just fine without my internvention. And imagine the work it'd create in terms of all the re-filing alone. Librarians would have apoplexy, and if I came out I was responsible..well, there'd be hell to pay. No, thank you, but no thank you, the alphabet can stay as it is, no matter how hot your body.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

thumb_up thumb_down +111

Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

thumb_up thumb_down +75

Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

thumb_up thumb_down +110

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!