Man enters bar and does a lot of magic tricks, all the prettiest women are extremely impressed: Girls: WOW! We would do anything to see more of that! Guy: Uh... damn I forgot what to do after this... Moral: Screw the game man, its a stupid book, just be your moronic self and someone will like you for the lovely disgusting moron that you are... by the way you lost the game :D

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Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

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Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

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How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

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-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Now this one is for the ladies: Girl: Hey there Alexa! Long time no see! Woman: Indeed dear, so... do you still do YOGA!? Girl: Nah I stopped after the YOGA FIRE! lessons and the YOGA TELEPORT! Lessons where too expensive... Woman: too bad! Can you still bend your legs behind your back though? ;) It looked so sexy... Girl: Oh well, as long as you can still do you YOGA STRETCH tongue you can come home with me and teach me a thing or two since I am just 19 and you are a 35 year old couger... if you know what I mean ;) Woman: Sure! I can teach you a lot of lusty immoral things ;). Conclusion: Girl: Not there... its hurts. Woman: Just relax girl, and it will work... Girl: YES OH YES!!! Moral: To show that my stories also support the ladies ;) Hey... its called the ANTIPICKUPLINE after all right?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!