- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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You allergic to semen?

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-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

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Lady: Is your name REAAAAAAAAALLY Moral? Moral: Stupid big titted bimbo... seems im getting laid tonight...just like I was today, and by midday and... yeah lie.. I mean brag a lot I do not have sex THAT many times a day... okay I lied again... Anyway vote me for president at least I am honest... well actually that was a lie but...

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!