girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

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Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

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Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

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-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

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Come lay your head upon my chest. (After a moment) Perhaps you'd be more comfortable onmy stomache (pushes head down)

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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Young man: Hey I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so I wondered if you wanna come home and have hardcore sex and... Mature woman: HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING! IM YOUR MOTHER! Young man: As I said mom... I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so... Moral: Hentai keeping families together since forever...

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MAN: Did it hurt? WOMAN: Did what hurt? MAN: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? WOMAN: Did it hurt when you were dropped as a baby?

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Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

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Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

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Your face is like mace, every time i see if i get blinded

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!